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04-Feb-2017 08:18

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The feedback stand up comedians receive is both its greatest asset and worst feature. I don’t know what that means but do it where no one can hear your ugly moaning. Or better yet, jam a tampon down your throats so you’re the only ones who have to choke on your bullshit.

That’s a form of expression that invites public feedback, but unlike from behind the safety of a keyboard you haven’t the slightest idea what it’s like doing stand up. Does your boss shine a light at you to let you know you have 60 seconds to finish your article? It is our right to control the stage because we are incapable of genuine fun and require the discomfort of others for something to be worth remembering.” Oh, why don’t you both go heckle each other in the pants!?

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While driving to see my mother in a nursing home, I was approaching a busy intersection at about 35mph when I was forced to slow down and wait for a woman, in casual defiance of what was a mature green light, diagonally crossing the street across the middle of the intersection. I’d encountered one of Planet Earth’s great abundances: assholes. People pay to see a comedy show and they deserve the best the performer can deliver. A full room is better because it increases the likelihood of laugh-leaders (people who laugh easy and vocally), which helps the anonymity effect and leads to a group-mind, a positive collective experience. You missed the part where he said, “Here’s what you shouldn’t say about baby seals.” All forms of heckling serve the evil of distraction.

And you’re expected to shrug it off and move on, which we learn to do. They define the various types of hecklers they’ve observed, ascribing cute names such as The Happy Heckler, The Drunk, The Serial Antagonist, The Casual Discusser. I’ve got another name for a very specific type of heckler.